War Will Not Keep Me Down
“War is Hell.” That’s the saying, and it’s true for everyone involved. One of the most devastating outcomes of physical and emotional torture endured by soldiers is drug and alcohol abuse. Oftentimes, they are unable to properly deal with their grief and guilt associated with active duty, which drives them to self-medicate. Amongst the many unfortunate stories, however, there are success stories to be found.
Jordan Ewell joined the Marines when he was nineteen years old. He served two seven-month tours in Iraq. The first tour was in 2007, and the second tour between 2008 and 2009. These were the most arduous fourteen months of his life. He completed his orders from his commanding officers with pride, nervousness, consternation and exasperation. His initial tour was filled with anxiety and fear of the unknown. This was the first time in his life he had visited foreign soil. He was loaded on a plane and shipped overseas with a group of other scared and rattled young boys. On the outside he remained composed, but on the inside he was shaking. I am a Marine! He told himself. We do not show fear! Still, the thirteen-hour flight to Kuwait gave him ample time to wonder: What will this tour be like? Where will I be stationed? What will I be doing? Will I be shot at? Will my squadron and I make it home? From Kuwait, Jordan flew into Iraq. He was stationed there during the hottest time of the year. His job was with infantry, which required him to walk around securing areas by showing |
force and displaying the military’s presence in 130-degree climate. He described, with great emphasis, how he hated the heat and the silence. At night, he sat quietly at his post observing the area with night vision goggles, his clothes soaked with sweat and without a bit of action. He stated, “I am not war-blood thirsty but when you join the Marine Corps infantry, you want to use your training and I never saw any of that.” He continued, “I don’t have a death wish but I was a little disappointed that I did not get to kill any bad guys.” According to Jordan, soldiers who do not see any action during their tours can be at a disadvantage because they become complacent, and that’s when soldiers lose their appropriate fear and respect for war.
Jordan’s second tour was a far cry from his first. While he did have the luxury of cooler weather, it was at the price of being away from family during Thanksgiving and Christmas. This time around, he patrolled designated areas in vehicles as well as by foot. At one point, he spent a grueling thirty days doing nothing but looking out of a guard post window. He cringed while explaining that during this time he alternated four hours of duty with four hours to sleep, shower, or make a phone call, over and over again. This mission was very taxing on him. He stated, “Everyone was mentally drained! You could see it in their eyes and everyone was at each other.” He had to dig deep within himself to find the strength to complete the mission and he had to dig even deeper in order to complete his tour.
After manning his post for thirty days, he was ordered to complete numerous small missions with other men in his squadron. He continued patrolling areas, always looking out for improvised explosive devices (IED). One of his buddies who was patrolling the area with him, Corporal Aaron Allen, spotted something that looked like an IED. They called in the explosive ordinance disposal team (EOD) to confirm it was an IED and to disarm it, if necessary. They waited three hours for the EOD team to arrive, but they concluded it was just an unexploded mortar shell. After discovering it was nothing serious, Jordan sarcastically joked about the ordeal. He stated to Aaron, “Thanks for making us wait here for three hours for nothing! Thanks a lot, Hero!” Of course, Jordan did not mean anything by it. Aaron had done everything he was supposed to do. This was just a way to lighten the mood in Iraq.
The “Marine stereotype” bothered Jordan. He stated, “When people think Marines are heartless mindless drones, that pisses me off!” In addition to being soldiers, Marines also did a lot of humanitarian work while in Iraq. Jordan would go to Iraqi civilian homes and ask if they needed food or any assistance. He always had candy available to give to children while patrolling the streets. His squadron and he would also go to Iraqi police stations to see if they needed any assistance.
One day, a police station did ask for assistance. The police told Jordan a potential IED had been found, and they wanted it to be checked out. While driving out to where the police reported finding it, he had an overwhelming feeling of skepticism. The location of the IED took an hour to get to and was out in the middle of nowhere. Jordan and many other Marines began to suspect the police had planted it. When they arrived at the given location, Jordan spoke to the local farmer to find out whether or not he had seen who planted the IED.
Aaron wanted to make sure it was a “real” IED this time, so he poked around by it and wiped dust away from it. Unfortunately, this time it was. Jordan heard the IED go off and ran to the aid of his friend. He yelled, “Corpsman up! Call a medic!” Jordan used his training and tried to clear Aaron’s airway by scooping out Aaron’s mouth with his finger and securing tourniquets on Aaron’s arm and legs. Aaron barely had any teeth left in his mouth and a mangled tongue. He was missing his arm up to his forearm and his legs looked like ground meat.
Forty-five to sixty minutes later, an army helicopter arrived and took Aaron away. Shortly after, Jordan got the bad news that his buddy had died and the guilt set in from joking around with him about the other IED. However, a Marine’s tour does not end because a soldier and friend died, and Jordan had to push on and complete his tour.
One night, a couple weeks later, his squadron got orders to check out people reportedly walking around just outside his base. They put on their night vision goggles, jumped into their vehicle, and rode out to where the suspicious people were meant to be. Jordan couldn’t see anyone, and his depth perception was off because of the night vision goggles. When he got to a dried up-canal, he walked up the berm and looked down. Using his surefire flashlight, located at the end of his rifle, Jordan was able to locate three men crouching down inside the canal. It was still difficult to see clearly with his goggles, and he did not see the AK-47’s they had in their hands. He shouted, “I see them!” At that point, the men in the canal opened fire.
When Jordan explained this scene, he managed to look back on it and chuckle. He explained that by attempting to scale the sides of the berm backwards while shooting his rifle, he fell onto the square of his back and avoided the bullets being hurled his direction. He then got up and ran down the berm the rest of the way to get away from additional gunfire. A fellow solider pulled up in a military vehicle equipped with guns and opened fire in the canal, killing the insurgents.
When Jordan searched the three dead insurgents, he found they were also armed with suicide bombs that were strapped to their chests. Jordan sighed and shook his head, “It’s crazy to think about it.” He confided, “I could have been killed if they would have just shot at my light and those men could have killed lots people if they ran into my base.” He also admitted: “It felt good to give a little payback.”
Jordan was adamant that he would never have made it through this tour without the brotherhood of his fellow Marines. He knew some of the men better than some of his own family, and he felt that without them he might not have made it home at all.
When Jordan arrived home, he began to drink heavily to mask his guilt and pain. After two years of binge drinking then driving home, he was pulled over for speeding. He was determined to be driving under the influence (DUI) and taken to jail. He was sentenced to a year and a half of probation. He had to take random urine analysis (UA) that detected alcohol in his system and had an interlock system placed in his car that would not allow him to drive if alcohol was detected on his breathe.
Jordan’s alcohol abuse was not worth the freedom he was fighting for. He has been on probation for a year and will be released from probation early because he has not failed any UA’s. He has a greater respect for life and is handling his grief without binge drinking. He is now able to talk about his Iraq experiences, in return, becoming a healthier and stronger person. Jordan made it out of Iraq alive and broken but has fought hard to put the pieces together and stand tall.
Jordan’s second tour was a far cry from his first. While he did have the luxury of cooler weather, it was at the price of being away from family during Thanksgiving and Christmas. This time around, he patrolled designated areas in vehicles as well as by foot. At one point, he spent a grueling thirty days doing nothing but looking out of a guard post window. He cringed while explaining that during this time he alternated four hours of duty with four hours to sleep, shower, or make a phone call, over and over again. This mission was very taxing on him. He stated, “Everyone was mentally drained! You could see it in their eyes and everyone was at each other.” He had to dig deep within himself to find the strength to complete the mission and he had to dig even deeper in order to complete his tour.
After manning his post for thirty days, he was ordered to complete numerous small missions with other men in his squadron. He continued patrolling areas, always looking out for improvised explosive devices (IED). One of his buddies who was patrolling the area with him, Corporal Aaron Allen, spotted something that looked like an IED. They called in the explosive ordinance disposal team (EOD) to confirm it was an IED and to disarm it, if necessary. They waited three hours for the EOD team to arrive, but they concluded it was just an unexploded mortar shell. After discovering it was nothing serious, Jordan sarcastically joked about the ordeal. He stated to Aaron, “Thanks for making us wait here for three hours for nothing! Thanks a lot, Hero!” Of course, Jordan did not mean anything by it. Aaron had done everything he was supposed to do. This was just a way to lighten the mood in Iraq.
The “Marine stereotype” bothered Jordan. He stated, “When people think Marines are heartless mindless drones, that pisses me off!” In addition to being soldiers, Marines also did a lot of humanitarian work while in Iraq. Jordan would go to Iraqi civilian homes and ask if they needed food or any assistance. He always had candy available to give to children while patrolling the streets. His squadron and he would also go to Iraqi police stations to see if they needed any assistance.
One day, a police station did ask for assistance. The police told Jordan a potential IED had been found, and they wanted it to be checked out. While driving out to where the police reported finding it, he had an overwhelming feeling of skepticism. The location of the IED took an hour to get to and was out in the middle of nowhere. Jordan and many other Marines began to suspect the police had planted it. When they arrived at the given location, Jordan spoke to the local farmer to find out whether or not he had seen who planted the IED.
Aaron wanted to make sure it was a “real” IED this time, so he poked around by it and wiped dust away from it. Unfortunately, this time it was. Jordan heard the IED go off and ran to the aid of his friend. He yelled, “Corpsman up! Call a medic!” Jordan used his training and tried to clear Aaron’s airway by scooping out Aaron’s mouth with his finger and securing tourniquets on Aaron’s arm and legs. Aaron barely had any teeth left in his mouth and a mangled tongue. He was missing his arm up to his forearm and his legs looked like ground meat.
Forty-five to sixty minutes later, an army helicopter arrived and took Aaron away. Shortly after, Jordan got the bad news that his buddy had died and the guilt set in from joking around with him about the other IED. However, a Marine’s tour does not end because a soldier and friend died, and Jordan had to push on and complete his tour.
One night, a couple weeks later, his squadron got orders to check out people reportedly walking around just outside his base. They put on their night vision goggles, jumped into their vehicle, and rode out to where the suspicious people were meant to be. Jordan couldn’t see anyone, and his depth perception was off because of the night vision goggles. When he got to a dried up-canal, he walked up the berm and looked down. Using his surefire flashlight, located at the end of his rifle, Jordan was able to locate three men crouching down inside the canal. It was still difficult to see clearly with his goggles, and he did not see the AK-47’s they had in their hands. He shouted, “I see them!” At that point, the men in the canal opened fire.
When Jordan explained this scene, he managed to look back on it and chuckle. He explained that by attempting to scale the sides of the berm backwards while shooting his rifle, he fell onto the square of his back and avoided the bullets being hurled his direction. He then got up and ran down the berm the rest of the way to get away from additional gunfire. A fellow solider pulled up in a military vehicle equipped with guns and opened fire in the canal, killing the insurgents.
When Jordan searched the three dead insurgents, he found they were also armed with suicide bombs that were strapped to their chests. Jordan sighed and shook his head, “It’s crazy to think about it.” He confided, “I could have been killed if they would have just shot at my light and those men could have killed lots people if they ran into my base.” He also admitted: “It felt good to give a little payback.”
Jordan was adamant that he would never have made it through this tour without the brotherhood of his fellow Marines. He knew some of the men better than some of his own family, and he felt that without them he might not have made it home at all.
When Jordan arrived home, he began to drink heavily to mask his guilt and pain. After two years of binge drinking then driving home, he was pulled over for speeding. He was determined to be driving under the influence (DUI) and taken to jail. He was sentenced to a year and a half of probation. He had to take random urine analysis (UA) that detected alcohol in his system and had an interlock system placed in his car that would not allow him to drive if alcohol was detected on his breathe.
Jordan’s alcohol abuse was not worth the freedom he was fighting for. He has been on probation for a year and will be released from probation early because he has not failed any UA’s. He has a greater respect for life and is handling his grief without binge drinking. He is now able to talk about his Iraq experiences, in return, becoming a healthier and stronger person. Jordan made it out of Iraq alive and broken but has fought hard to put the pieces together and stand tall.